Without Me You're Only You

All right! A million years later...

2007-08-28T05:41:00.000Z

Yeah yeah, I know. But I'm busy with lots of irons in the fire...and I have to go back to work next week!

I'm blogging tonight because Vesper got me with this one:

Open your itunes. Press play. Make sure it's set to random play. Type the title and artist, then move to the next question, and click the next button, and so on....

Opening Credits: "I Control, I Fly" by Monster Magnet (nice opening)
Waking Up: "Wicked Young Man" by Alice Cooper (you betcha!)
First Day At School: "Drug Ballad" by Eminem
Falling In Love: "Out of the Blue" by Balzac (now it's getting interesting)
Fight Song: "J'aime pas" by Sniper (that's funny)
Breaking Up: "Agitated" by Muse
Prom: "Rickshaw" by Desert Sessions
Life's Okay: "I'm in the Mood to Move" by Ween
Mental Breakdown: "Thou Shalt Not" by KISS
Driving: "Hyperpower!" by Nine Inch Nails (heh)
Flashback: "Bury the Hatchet" by Ghoultown
Getting Back Together: "By the Time I get to Phoenix" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Wedding: "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D (seriously, is someone in control of my iTunes?)
Birth of Child: "Theme from Poltergeist" by Jerry Goldsmith (WHOA! It's actually kind of a beautiful song at first with children singing...)
Final Battle: "Deadly Sinners" by 3 Inches of Blood (there is no song I'd rather cleave someone in the head with a battleaxe to)
Death Scene: "Hearts Alive" by Mastodon (13:39? That's a long death! Still fitting.)
Funeral Song: "Please Kill Me" by Amen (ahahahahah! That's a militant funeral if I've ever heard one)
End Credits: "The Pine Float" by Angelo Badalamenti (from the Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me soundtrack. Awesome)

That was fun!

Long time no blog.

2007-07-12T05:27:00.000Z

Wow...a month and five days since updating. That's a new record.

I've got lots of stuff cooking so I think I'll pop in and use this as an updater/info dump for a while.

5 Weeks ago my grandmother passed away unexpectedly. It was kind of a shocker and had me down for a while. I even wrote a column under the influence of mourning:

After that depress fest I promised sexy werewolves in the next column. So amongst our home being flooded and my family moving away for a month I really should have had the time and thought to post this back then but here's the banner to the column on sexy werewolves:

I was brilliant for a second and decided to follow it up with more columns on sexual readings of iconic horror characters called sexy beasts. Behold! The columns on the vampire and Frankenstein's monster:

Now that that was over, I did not want to go over the sexual implications of Godzilla or zombies so I realized I hadn't yet covered the influence of Japanese cinema on American horror. This week's article is about the films that transferred without being remade:

All sorts of crazy stuff going on including possibly being on a panel on horror and sci fi at the Victoria Anarchist Book Fair in September, going to Chicago in August and launching my own podcast soon after. I've contributed to the Earth-2.net podcast for a while now but will soon be branching off on my own with the lovely gift of server space at Earth-2.net.

That's all for today I think. More soon, I really promise this time...

Torture Porn or 70s Exploitation Revisited?

2007-06-06T06:37:00.001Z

This week is a serious look at the influences on today's "torture porn" subgenre and the War in Iraq with exploitation cinema and the Vietnam War.

It'll be the most intelligent thing you read with "pornography" and "torture" in the title all day!

What a long strange week it's been...

2007-05-31T06:55:00.000Z

The other day one of my students actually ran away to join the circus...

The above is not a lie.

I stole the following from Superfrankenstein but you needs to see this: Dick Cheney's fan boards responding to his lesbian daughter giving birth to his grandchild.

I'd hate Republicans if they weren't so dang entertaining. Why do we need people like Colbert if the real deal is so amusing?

Oh yeah...this is why:

Lovin' his craft

2007-05-30T06:05:00.001Z

This week I look at the movies of director Stuart Gordon, including his adaptations of Lovecraft's short stories.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

2007-05-23T06:27:00.001Z

It's no secret that humankind fears change. This essay shows how horror and science fiction films exploit this fear.

In other news, I hold in my hand the first copy of my very first comic story. I'll get the vitals up when it goes on sale. It's slightly flawed (like not having a title card) but I'm psyched nonetheless. Check!

Curses! Columned again!

2007-05-16T05:04:00.000Z

The very cool image above is in reference to Poltergeist, just one of the films I discuss in my column on cursed movies.

More Carpenter goodness...

2007-05-08T05:16:00.000Z

That image you see above this is indeed Kurt Russell from Escape from LA. That means it's the follow-up to last week's article espousing the virtues of John Carpenter. This week: not so much.

That said, the cold is not hitting me like it did last time. Yet.

I'm busy in script mode finishing one that's been looming over my head for months now before getting onto a collection of short fiction I'll maybe be getting published.

I'm currently reading 52 all the way through for the second time until I get to #49-52 and the World War 3 books. Haven't read those yet.

I Wish I Were a Carpenter

2007-05-01T02:29:00.000Z

In this one I talk all about the goodness that is John Carpenter's early work.

I will eventually blog between ads for my column...I promise.

Sex and the Slasher

2007-04-26T07:16:00.000Z

I'm pretty proud of this one. Freuday the 13th: Sex and the Slasher is probably the most academic of my column pieces yet.

The adaption of the Psycho poster by webmaster Michael David Sims is my favourite yet. Thanks Mike!

Sick and dire

2007-04-17T05:51:00.000Z

This week's Reel Dread takes a look at sickness in horror cinema both metaphorical and literal. Funnily enough, I'm almost all better...

Must have smething to do with the new iPod!!!!!!!! I must now become a hermit and transfer my CD collection.

Based on a True Story

2007-04-11T05:26:00.000Z

This week's column is one the "based on a true story" phenomenon of horror films. Check it out. I still stew in my sickness. I'm on meds and hopefully I can down a few beers in good conscious on my birthday ina couple of days.

New iPod on its way, I'm going digital. No more CDs!!! I never thought I'd say that.

Raise a little Hell!

2007-04-03T04:47:00.000Z

The final installment in my Moronic/Iconic series is all about the Hellraiser films. So ends my series for a while with some interesting oneshots coming up next.

Audio stuff by me

2007-03-28T03:12:00.000Z

I interviewed David Agranoff and reviewed his new chapbook along with a new horror novel by Tim Waggoner and went through the latest in horror news on the latest episode of the Earth 2 podcast here.

Or go download the episode off iTunes by searching for Earth 2.

If you want to support a good cause and read some good socially conscious sci-fi/horror, go here to buy "Screams from a Dying World."

Getting tired of the zombies yet?

2007-03-27T05:24:00.000Z

I'm not.

This will be the last time I write about Romero's Dead films until Diary of the Dead comes out.

Hello to David Agranoff who I had the pleasure of meeting yesterday in sunny Victoria.

Yeah, yeah...I should have posted this Monday but I was away...

2007-03-24T05:46:00.000Z

So now you get it whilst I procrastinate over this Monday's column!

Beware the Ides of March!

2007-03-16T05:27:00.000Z

Dad's bday to day and he loved his gift: "I'm 60 and I have an iPod...I'm a cool guy!"

The days have been going so fast this week but the week's seemed so long. Spring Break Monday. Tomorrow afternoon we're traveling over the hump to the ferries and now the snowflakes outside are bigger than I've ever seen.

Dio de la Muerte (or something...)

2007-03-13T04:54:00.000Z

New blogger makes me angry...

But new Reel Dread makes me happy! In this one I analyze the third of four Romero zombie films. One more to go...I want to eat some brains.

The Laughing Boogeyman

2007-03-07T06:58:00.000Z

In this week's episode I discuss why Freddy Krueger went from child-killing pederast to sadistic jokester. Give 'er a looksee.

Dawn of the Departed

2007-02-28T07:08:00.000Z

This week's Reel Dread is up. I'm following on the heels of my Night of the Living Dead analysis with the second film in Romero's Dead Cycle: Dawn of the Dead.

I also watched The Departed tonight and I really thought it was better than Infernal Affairs. Both Nicholson and DiCaprio were awesome. I originally thought they were trying to buy Scorcese an Oscar with the casting butafter watching it I take that back.

Back to Reel Dread:

2007-02-20T04:14:00.000Z

After a week of parental leave I'm back with another installment of Reel Dread!

I review Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon in this one and if this is not a major contender for horror film of the year then I'm a monkey's uncle, by gum!

Desperately trying to not get pink eye.

2007-02-15T06:55:00.000Z

The joys of parenting. Besides wearing safety goggles, I'm doing everything I can to resist being touched in the eye by Cade. My neck feels stronger from all of the quick jerking movements I have to make but I'm afraid of Cade's seeming enjoyment of touching people's eyes. Davin felt his wrath earlier today...

I'm a daddy...again!

2007-02-11T03:12:00.000Z

Yesterday, Friday February 9th, at 11:30pm Megan Cade and I welcomed another handsome little devil into the world: Davin John Reddick.

We are all at home and doing well. As always, pictures of my lovely bride and our offspring can be found here.

Cheers,

Des

The one where I cover short films...

2007-02-06T07:04:00.000Z

This one is a group of capsule reviews for the short films found on Small Gauge Trauma.

The banner is an image from one of the scarier of the films: Sister Lulu (nuns and live burial )

The one where I talk about Jason...

2007-01-30T06:10:00.000Z

I exhaustively trace the path of Jason Voorhees through all eleven films that bore his legend in the first installment of a series of articles investigating the descent of the horror icon called Moronic/Iconic Part One: Tell Me Why I Don't Like Fridays.

Night of the Living Essay

2007-01-24T05:55:00.000Z

This one is the closest I've been to an academic essay since my last year of university! I'm analyzing each Romero film from the Living Dead Cycle and this is the first one.

I've got a fucking cold again. Two or three days of health and then I'm blitzed again. I'm on the Nyquil/Dayquil cocktail so hopefully I won't remember this at all.

Waiting for del Toro

2007-01-17T06:29:00.000Z

This one was fun to write. It's one of my favourites: a director spotlight on Guillermo del Toro.

Check it out and let me know what you think. I've gotten some press online about one of my previous articles. I discovered it by vainly googling my name...the shame.

Lots of stuff on the horizon but nothing I'll mention yet...

Is my doctor Jesus?

2007-01-11T18:07:00.000Z

I called in sick and hit up the ER this morning because I can't exhale without hacking.

The doctor said "you poor bastard" and prescribed me a four day cycle of super drugs and T3s for sleep and "in case it starts to hurt."

Take that overly cautious family doctor!!!

Road to wellsville kids. The road to wellsville...

The Year to Come in Horror...

2007-01-09T05:28:00.000Z

If you recognize the banner, does Grindhouse make its way into my best to come of 2007 article? Only one way to find out...

Plus, click the link to get info on how to vote for your favourite contributor and column of the year ;)

What a #$&%ing week!

2007-01-05T06:07:00.000Z

I saw a huge seal walking through a parking lot the other day. Not a clubbed baby seal, a huge horn-blowing circus seal!

I fully believe I was abducted by aliens in the early hours of the 27th and injected with a cosmic supervirus. It has chapped and destroyed my nose. My throat is tightening by the hour. My skin is turning grey. I think I'm becoming the cover of Communion...

The Year end wrap-up article...

2007-01-02T05:46:00.000Z

Episode 13 is up and it's my picks for the best of 2006.

No updates lately and I apologize. The three of us are here in our leper colony suffering from the bird flu or something to that effect. I've barely had time to write let alone blog!

Reel Dread #12: Reviewing The Final Curtain: Bubble, Bubble, Drama Geeks in Trouble

2006-12-19T04:58:00.000Z

#12 is up! Last one of the year.

Reel Dread #11 Better Late than Never

2006-12-14T06:21:00.000Z

Now that we've got power back I'm reminding folks that this week's episode of Reel Dread is a review of sub-par indie torture porn "Live Feed."

Do yourself a favour and skip the movie...but read the review.

Rum and Eggnogg?

2006-12-10T07:09:00.000Z

Staff Party tonight...I just had my first rum and egg nog. It was mixed half and half.

'Tis the season

Reel Dread #10: The Rant

2006-12-05T06:14:00.000Z

Me at my bitterest.

That is also my favourite banner yet. Follow along folks! Big stuff on the horizon.

Reel Dread #9: The Unfilmable: What is Lovecraftian Cinema?

2006-11-27T06:26:00.000Z

The ninth installment of Reel Dread is up today. Come and watch me try and wrap my head around the question: What is Lovecraftian Cinema?

Is it insightful or trainwreckful? Let me know.

Q is a very interesting letter

2006-11-26T04:28:00.000Z

Meg and I just watched the documentary called Word Play . It takes a look at Will Shortz, the crossword facilitator for the New York Times, and the interesting culture behind crossword competitions.

Think of it like a mixture of Trekkies and Best in Show only the whole thing is real. Bill Clinton, Jon Stewart and the Indigo Girls make appearances.

Recommended.

PS The post title is an actual line from the movie.

Reel Dread #8: Long Live the King, Long-Winded King

2006-11-21T06:14:00.000Z

The eighth installment of Reel Dread is up today and two nice fellows have told me it's my best yet. Let me know what you think.

Reel Dread #7: Adapting Clive Barker: Tripping the Dark Fantastic

2006-11-13T22:55:00.000Z

The seventh installment of Reel Dread is up today!

Check it out and let me know what you think on the forums. You do know how much of a bitch for Barker I am right?

Final Tally

2006-11-10T04:34:00.000Z

6 pounds overall!!!

I had two sandwiches and a can of coke for lunch and 4 slices of pizza for dinner. So I have probably now gained a pound and a half...

Day Three

2006-11-09T04:22:00.000Z

I'm down 4lbs!!! In three days!!! Final tally tomorrow.

Reel Dread #6: Adapting a Legend: Do your Math, Son!

2006-11-07T06:11:00.000Z

Here's episode 6 of the column. You know the drill.

Day One

2006-11-07T06:10:00.000Z

1 lb gone already.

I'm so hungry...

Day Zero

2006-11-06T06:58:00.000Z

I weigh 203 lbs.

Not for long. Tomorrow is day one of the Weight Watchers soup diet.

3+ days of fruits, veggies and endless amounts of Cabbage soup. I am not going to be a pleasant person.

At least there's black coffee allowed...

Reel Dread #5: Don't Open the DVD Tray

2006-10-31T04:08:00.000Z

My fifth installment of Reel Dread is up. It's the Halloween Spectacular Extravaganza!!!

Check it out and let me know what you think by joining the forums and commenting under the show title at the Mainpage Feedback portion of the forums.

I will begin blogging a bit more. Promise.

Reel Dread #4: Hallowed Be Thy Flame

2006-10-24T00:07:00.000Z

The fourth installment of my Reel Dread column is up.

Check it out and share your cool/scary/mischevous Halloween stories by joining the forum and posting in the Mainpage Feedback section under Reel Dread.

Reel Dread #3: A Little Bit of Sentimentality (or The Waiting is the Knardest Part)

2006-10-17T01:40:00.000Z

Over at Earth-2.net you can check out the third installment of my weekly column on horror films. This week is Monster Squad and the Universal Monsters. Yes, I know I blah blahed a bit about it not too long ago but I'm doing it again.

Click on Join the Forums and let me know what you think in the Mainpage Feedback part of the forums.

Your comments are appreciated.

Thanks again to Fearless Editor Michael David Sims for these awesome banners!

Tarantino and Rodriguez's Grindhouse trailer...

2006-10-12T21:36:00.000Z

Nuff said.

Reel Dread #2:Sprechen Sie Scary?

2006-10-09T06:53:00.000Z

Dang. I had hoped to post something in the past week but I've been busy and now I'm dying of this awful affliction my son gave me. It's some ancient bacteria that festers in the phlegm of children at daycare who in turn bring it home to their parents. The catch is that the bacteria affects adults adversely causing the pituitary gland to....never mind.

It's manic Monday again and time for another episode of Reel Dread!!! This is all about the German Expressionist films of the early 1900s. Read it and join the geek forums if you like. I'll be there!

Reel Dread

2006-10-02T05:31:00.000Z

Hello.

This week sees the beginning of my weekly column at Earth-2.net.

It's there on the first page but may not be for too long. Click here for the article and join the forums to let me know what you all think!

PS The awesome banner above was created by Michael David Sims my faithful editor!

The Scary Month

2006-09-10T18:36:00.000Z

Yeah yeah yeah...I haven't been posting as much lately. I have blog guilt.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to post more.

As far as the post title, I was going to amass a series of essays and reviews to daily blog in October like last year. Instead, I found the opportunity to do it to get more exposure. Beginning in October, I'll be writing weekly essays, reviews and director spotlights (to mention a few) on the topic of horror for geek culture website Earth-2.net.

I'll be letting you folks know when a new article goes up each Monday.

And yes, I will blog more too.

"These Weeds have grown where the sun once shone"

2006-08-25T05:09:00.000Z

Weeds is my new favourite television show. This happens a lot. This season is going to be nuts what with Lost, Smallville, Heroes, and Grey's Anatomy. I am also hooked on Carnivale and now, the Showtime show Weeds.

Weeds is a wry, dark, profane and witty 30 minute show about a soccer mom widow who supports her family by selling pot to neighbours, friends and college kids. The acting is great on many parts (even Kevin Nealon!!!) and it has garnered me a wee crush on Mary Louise Parker.

The post title is from the song "Weeds" by Life of Agony. A good tune.

That is all.

Oregone

2006-08-04T23:22:00.000Z

Off to Oregon for a week tomorrow. We're going to Victoria tomorrow night, leaving for Oregon on the ferry to the states Sunday morning and driving the rest of the way.

We'll be in Oregon for a week and then in Surrey for a week. Yesterday was the last day of teaching summer school: Vacation!!!!!!

Ever had the embarassing call from your ISP telling/warning you you have downloaded too much? Just a thought ;)

Randomness for you day...

2006-08-02T16:45:00.000Z

At work today I walked around the place unlocking the doors (as I'm the only employee on site all day) and noticed that the back door area (the smoke pit) had been used as a party area. How do I know this?

A broken mickey of vodka and three empty bottles of Listerine.

That's just how we roll in Port Alberni y'all.

Wolfman's Got Nards!

2006-07-27T17:35:00.000Z

Monster Squad.

Damn, I love this movie. It started a path in my life that was inalterable. I was a horror fan already when I saw this as a youngster. I had already seen all of the Friday the 13ths and Nightmare on Elm Streets that were made up to '87 but this movie, campy as it is, made me want to seek out the Universal Monster movies. It actually gave me an appreciation for film at 8 years old (I'm assuming I didn't see it the moment it came out on video but rather a few months later and therefore, 1988).

My grandfather was impressed that I liked movies that he saw as a kid and showed me other stuff: Humphrey Bogart, James Cagney, John Wayne, Orson Welles, Kirk Douglas. I was probably the only pre-teen whose favourite movie was Angels with Dirty Faces.

It's funny how a PG 13* young adult horror movie can send someone in such a direction. I was young, really young. So young that at one point early in the movie it announces (via a subtitled message) that it is now Present Day and I thought that was an American holiday but couldn't understand why no one in the movie was giving each other presents!

Anyway, do us all a favour and go here to sign a petition to get this movie on DVD, please!!!

*Now they'd probably have to cut so much stuff from this to get a PG rating it would be a nonsensical commercial for garlic sandwiches! Not sure what I'm saying? Sign the petition and rent the DVD when it comes out my friends

Left field thought for the day:

2006-07-20T19:07:00.000Z

What did Anton Chekhov think of red herrings?

Wow...A year in review + a big reveal!

2006-07-16T06:41:00.000Z

Stick around to the end of the post and you'll be let in on some great news. Don't cheat!

Well, a year ago a few days ago we decided that if our unborn child was a boy we would name it Cade. Sure enough...

In the past year there have been more changes in my life than I ever thought would happen in such a short time. Last year I was going to post-grad school and tending bar in Glasgow. We moved to Port Alberni (a new, small town) in August and dove into our careers until a teacher's strike derailed our finances so badly that we're still feeling the sting today.

Having finally passed through the strike era, school got under way.

Along came Cade around Christmas time and it was the greatest present I ever got. Bye bye sleep. I used to be an insomniac. This carried over into not really needing to sleep all that much every night. Now, well...it's a different story. But I digress.

The new year brought a full time job teaching at the local alternate school which, funnily enough, has become a bit of a calling for me. Between that and the boy there hasn't been a lot of time for much else.

As I mentioned in the last post, we just bought our first piece of real estate and will be moving into the illustrious townhouse at the beginning of September.

Why am I repeating myself you might be asking. Well, we just got some news that puts the whole thing in a new light:

Yesterday Meg went to the doctor while I took the recycling to the depot. When I picked her up at the doctor's office she mouthed the words "I'm pregnant."

Now, roughly 40 hours later, that my heart has finally left my throat we're all still reeling from the news. We're excited and find the prospect of having two children graduated high school by the time we are 50 a little delightful.

Go here to see pictures of the future big brother.

Holy Shit!

2006-07-13T21:19:00.000Z

We bought a house*. A townhouse. You thought you were in debt. Pictures to follow when we take posession in September.

*If the finances clear.

Akira Kurosawa said:

2006-07-12T06:17:00.000Z

"It is the role of the artist not to look away."

Just thought more people need to read that.

Eureka!!!

2006-07-11T05:14:00.000Z

About a year ago I feared I had lost some important stuff in the move from Glasgow to Port Alberni.

Today Megan cleaned up her kindergarten classroom and came home with a trunkload of curricular stuff. She mentioned that a binder of mine is in the load. Not trying to get my hopes up, I was delighted to find that the binder contained: the plot to the first 100 or so pages of my novel, the plots to 5 issues of an ongoing project with Dav (I never realized they were lost), ideas for several sequels to an upcoming short story being published any day now by Vicious Circle Project and various other goodies including the issue of Cerebus that parodies Sandman signed by Dave Sim and an issue of Rue Morgue Magazine.

Me ams happy.

In other news....

2006-07-10T08:14:00.000Z

How come it never shares with me?

My blog is worth $4,516.32.
How much is your blog worth?

Superman Returns

2006-07-10T07:30:00.000Z

was the whitest movie I have seen since Birth of a Nation*. In the earlier installments there were at least racial stereotypes (remember "Hey Jim, nice OUTfit!!!!?). Richard Pryor was in Superman III and he alone counts as three or four black people. Listen to his stand-up and you'll understand.

"What about Kal Penn?" you ask? Well that's fine. He had a lot of screen time as one of Luthor's henchmen. He was simply there to show that Luthor was not as evil as other CEO types in his willingness to hire minorities. Penn is a great comedic actor in a movie with lots of comedy WITHOUT ANY LINES!!!!!!!!!

I'm done.

Oh yeah...the movie was lacklustre at best. Bring on the giant robots and Doomsday for the sequel to sate my desire for mayhem!

*I haven't actually seen birth of a nation.

Deal Howie!

2006-07-01T16:57:00.000Z

We've got a deal.

Last night the BCTF agreed to a pay raise of 16% over 5 years and a $4,000 signing bonus. The money doesn't really matter to me. What I'm glad about is the avoidance of a strike come fall. The last strike greatly delayed the beginning of my teaching career and I hardly wanted to do the same.

Yay!

In other news: my iMac is on its way and I'm counting down the seconds. Bye bye HP! Bye Bye!!!

Meme Wikipedia sounds like a HI Hi Puffy Ami Yumi song...

2006-06-24T05:45:00.000Z

Stolen from Vesper :

type your birth month and date into the search bar at Wikipedia and choose three of each of the following that happened on your birthday: events, births and deaths:

EVENTS:

-1633- The formal inquest of Galileo Galilee by the Inquisition begins. (Poor Galileo! It took so much suffering and outsider angst to be named in a Queen song.)
-1954- Bill Haley and His Comets record "Rock Around the Clock". Initially unsuccessful, the recording would help launch the rock and roll revolution a year later. (What else is there to say? This song is the shit and if anyone says otherwise, drive your thumbs into their eyesockets)
-1961- Yuri Gagarin becomes the first man to fly into space. (The biggest "Fuck You" to America ever. I have a softspot for Russian cosmonauts, so tragic, drunk and condescending.)

BIRTHS:
1868-Akiyama Saneyuki, Japanese Naval Commander (d. 1918) (Sounds like an interesting fella)
1869-Henri Desire Landru, French Serial Killer (d. 1922) (Ditto, you don't hear a lot about serial killers from places other than North America)
1922-Tiny Tim, American Musician (d. 1996) (Born the day the French serial killer bit the big one...I'm willing to bet that Tiny Tim is reincarnated and instead of murdering he decided on performing "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" on ukelele on every talk show ever.)

DEATHS:
-1125- Vladislaus I of Bohemia
-1980- William R. Tolbert Jr, President of Liberia (b. 1913) (President of world's most corrupt nation dies the day was born!)
-1999-Boxcar Willie, American Singer (b. 1931)

I really just wanted to see those three names given equal footing in some way...

"B" ootiful

2006-05-30T20:32:00.000Z

Haven't blogged in a long time. Here is a short little meme thing I got from Vesper. Whah? You ask? A meme from Vesper? You don't say! ;)

Here are the rules:

Comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write 10 words beginning with that letter in your blog, including an explanation what the word means to you and why, and then pass out letters to those who want to play along.

Mine letter be B. I will bold all of the responses...

Batman: As if you couldn't guess! I read Batman when I was a wee wee lad. He was fun but I liked Spider-man and the X-Men more (hyphenated heroes appealed to me I guess). As I aged I began to devour Batman. I don't currently read a Batman series but I will when Morrison gets his hands on the "hairy-chested love god." I fully believe that Batman is the greatest modern fictional character ever. He is the peak of human perfection, fully capable of out-thinking just about anyone and beating them. I love Batman.

Baghdad: This city has occupied so much television time in my lifetime. What with Gulf War 1, 2 and Gulf War 3: The Continuing Adventures of Gulf War 2. It is a word that is symbolic of chaos, violence, oppression and the cradle of civilization. Comics again: Neil Gaiman's Sandman issue titled (I think) "Baghdad" is a wonderful kind of love story to Baghdad and its past glories as well as alluding to its current situation.

Berserker: One of the pre-cursors for werewolf legends is the true story of Viking invaders who went to battle wearing wolf skins and eating psylocybic mushrooms in order to trip out so that they believe they are wolfmen. Fuck! Isn't that cool? I've got about eleven story ideas for this premise that I can't wait to get one going that sticks.

Baby: Cade has taken so much of my time both physically and intellectually lately that it is hard to write this post without searching for a word that describes him. Baby seems to work well. As would flatulent but F is not my letter (be that it were).

Ballad: No word can encapsulate such beauty and terror as ballad. Rime of the Ancient Mariner is essentially a ballad, as is Don't Fear the Reaper (more cowbell!). However, any awful piece of shit "musician" can write a sappy hunk of garbage that has 2 notes and call it a ballad. You hear that Ashlee Simpson?!

Baroque: A really beautiful word that is often misused, by myself among others. I often use it to describe Clive Barker's writing (shit! now I can't use Barker!) or anything else ornate. I enjoy Baroque music as well. I took a history of music class (that also scarily included a lot of theory) that included a lot of Baroque music just to have a prerequisite for a midi composition class that I never took and I came away really liking it as well as having a respect for opera. I don't like opera but the closest I came to opera before this class was Judas Priest.

Bill Hicks: I know it's cheating a little bit but Bill Hicks is a modern prophet who wraps his message in profanity and dick-jokes. That's right, dick jokes. Bill Hicks believes in a conspiracy to murder JFK by those in charge of the government, human evolution through the consumption of psychoactive drugs (called squeegeeing the third eye), UFOs and foretold his own diagnosis of pancreatic cancer while on a mushroom trip with his friends. Do yourself a favour and check his stuff out.

Bleed: A tough, visceral word. Both an action and occasionally a command if you don't like the person.

Bland: A word I use to describe things that I don't necessarily enjoy but don't despise. Lindsay Lohan: bland. Ashlee Simpson: despise. Get it?

Bark: A versatile word. It can be the skin of a tree, the noise a dog makes or any variation of other noise including the verb form of such noises. Used nicely in phrases/cliches such as "barking up the wring tree" and "quit barkin' at me!"

Runners up were:
-ballast
-bollocks
-buzzcut
-bum
-birkenstocks
-Barf (not the verb, the John Candy character from Spaceballs)

An Update and Random Thoughtarrhea

2006-05-16T17:21:00.000Z

Been a while since I've posted content. What with a baby, a fulltime job and trying to get back in shape I've had little time to write let alone write blog entries.

Cade is awesome and doing very well. He smiles a lot even though he has a cold. It's nice. Go here to see him.

Work is going well but no one cares about that.

I have decided to get back in shape. It's been weeks since I've had a pop. I had a Dr. Pepper on a picnic on Mother's Day and was buzzing. I've taken up karate on Mondays and Wednesday nights for 2 hours each. It's kicking my ass but I've lost neck fat after 3 sessions already! I'm jogging too.

I decided to do this after paying some attention to the growing belly and the fear of the possibility of man-boobs. Man-boobs scare me. The very idea of me having them is terrifying.

Big Love is an HBO (I think) TV show about a polygamist Mormon family starring Bill Paxton and Chloe Sevigny. Despite the cool cast the content loses me.

My dad thinks it is a fantasy story because "no man would ever want 4 wives."

Been listening to a lot of podcasts lately but I'll talk about that at a later point.

Been listening to Tom Waits and Tool as well. I haven't updated my sidebar in months.

The Stand Complete and Uncut Edition is a 1200 page mountain of a novel that is hard to climb when reading 5 pages a day. I should be finished sometime around August, 2057. I want to finish it because I've got so many damn books to read on the pile that it's ridiculous. I've got novels from Christmas 2004 I haven't read yet. Very sad.

Lots of writing stuff in the works that I'll also talk about at a later point.

That's me.

More Quizzy awesomeness stolen from Vesper:

2006-05-06T18:22:00.000Z

Des --

[noun]:

A brand of soylent green breakfast cereal

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Des is people!!!

We all knew it was true...

2006-05-02T19:36:00.000Z


	Des Pills: Will cause you to blame the green fairy inside your head for everything that goes wrong in life
	'What effect do you have on people?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I stole this from Vesper.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 30 (phew!!)

2006-04-30T05:18:00.000Z

Today is both Beltane (Celtic) and Walpurgisnacht (Germany). They both mark the traditional first day of summer.

So...yay!!! Summer!!!

It also happens to be National Honesty Day! (USA) And, if I'm being honest, this month has been exhausting. Next time I do this themed daily blogging thing (October) I'll be more prepared, more interested and more dedicated.

Lots of stuff going on right now but nothing to say for sure so I'll keep my mouth shut for the moment.

For the time being, just go here and look at the teaser for this year's most anticipated movie.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 29

2006-04-29T19:44:00.000Z

Today Blogger is fucking with me. Today I am very busy. Today is Casse Canarie in the Haitian Vodou Calendar.

Research it for yourself and post what the hell it is into my comments and win the kudos of the Vodou Gods.

That is all.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 28 (Is this month almost over?)

2006-04-27T02:43:00.000Z

Floralia is a boring Roman festival dedicated to the Goddess Flora. Well, it's boring compared to the shit-filled pinata of yesterday.

I am so close to abandoning this stupid venture. Mental note: if you're going to commit yourself - and maybe I need to be committed - to a daily blog theme make sure that the theme will be interesting!

Speaking of comics...(hey, it's not segue month after all!)

I'm going to talk about Infinite Crisis because I'm finally all caught up.

The plot line for this story is beginning to bore me. Hey, let's introduce the new lame Blue Beetle character and make him relevant by making him the only character in the DCU who can see Brother Eye! Superman can burn the flagellum off of a paramecium from a galaxy away with his infared vision but he can't see the GIANT FLOATING SATELLITE COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE FLOATING IN EARTH ORBIT!!!!!! Lame. Let's get that Hispanic kid from El Paso to do it!

Batman's stuff with both Earth 2 Superman and Nightwing is pretty damn good but the whole thing is making me long for Civil War. I need a good street-level event to ground the comics. I don't like cosmic stuff.

Identity Crisis was good if not flawed. House of M left me wondering why I wasted my money. Civil War looks to be very good from what I saw in New Avengers: Illuminati. It was a fantastic piece of talking heads stuff that has me whetted for the mini-series.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 27

2006-04-27T02:38:00.000Z

Here's one I bet you weren't expecting: National Scoop the Poop Day (USA).*

In an effort to urge dog-owners to pick up the excrement of their canine possessions (who owns who here?), Scoop the Poop Day** had to be created.

I find that a little sad.

*I originally typed "Poop the Scoop"
** I did it again here!

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 26

2006-04-26T04:34:00.000Z

Hold on to your hats, my friends: today is Richter Scale Day! Join me in celebrating the inventor of the device that measures how devastating that earthquake was that you didn't live through.

Essentially it is a machine that allows all of us to say "Holy Shit!" when the news tells us how much the 8.5 on the Richter scale Earthquake annihilated some far-off country.

Happy Birthday Charlie Richter!

Been listening the shit out of Tom Waits' Beautiful Maladies: The Island Years. 23 song retrospective of an earlier part of his career. I am strangely drawn to him for some reason. Even though, as my colleague put it, he sounds like a drunken stroke victim.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 25

2006-04-25T04:17:00.000Z

Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

I'l be saying this at work all day. Today is Cuckoo Day (UK) and apparently it is the first day that Spring has sprung. Or some bullshit.

Port Alberni seems to have gone from winter to summer. It was 23 degrees Celsius yesterday! Whoa. The apartment remains cool, which is nice.

Having picked up an armload of comics I'll comment on Ennis's Punisher series. As you may or may not know, Punisher is a MAX title which means that anything goes and boy does anything go.

In the last arc a local hood called the Punisher out by digging up his family's corpses and pissing on them. In this one (The Slavers) he faces the most extreme of his opponents yet: former Slavic soldiers who would sweep through entire villages and kill the men and old women while taking the young women and little girls as currency in what eventually becomes the American slave trade. These women are forced into slavery and fall between the cracks of the system.

Fast forward to a woman who has escaped and after losing her child, in one of the most disturbing panels I've ever seen, convinces the Punisher to destroy these men and boy does he. Deaths galore ensue in this arc culminating in the live burning of the head honcho. This becomes what must be the most intimidating videotaped warning ever. Osama Bin Laden ain't nothing when Frank Castle's in town.

Somebody, Scotsman Mark Millar I think, called Garth Ennis the best writer in the world when he's in his element. Of course, the only time he's in his element is when he's writing the Punisher. Everything else he does comes across a little too comedic for me.

I loved Punisher: The Slavers but I have to wonder how far the next set of adversaries will have to got to seem evil next to the current fellas.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 24 (God Help Us All!)

2006-04-23T04:48:00.000Z

And thus begins National Karaoke Week...

and I looked for something terrible to offer but blogger won't allow me to post this you tube video, you're lucky I tells ya!

Edit: In fact, blogger seems to be having its way with me today. I'm thinking of packing up my stuff and moving shop.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 23

2006-04-23T04:31:00.000Z

2 relatively interesting holidays today (you can tell that I'm getting a little bored of all this by now, whose idea was this?)

-Cocuk Bayrami (Turkey)
Happy Turkish Independence Day to my Turkish friends! I've got two.

Don't forget: Istanbul was Constantinople now it's Istanbul not Constantinople!

-Festival of the Green Man (Wiccan Calendar)

Mike at Progressive Ruin should love this day. I saw the facade of the Green Man on the side of a building in Prague and couldn't help but equate the Face in the Leaves with DC's Swamp Thing.

Sore throat from yesterday has turned into a full-blown cold over night. My head feels like it's one of those trick cue-balls. You know the ones? The weight is off-centred and it's constantly wobbly?

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 22

2006-04-22T16:06:00.000Z

Here it is! The Feast of Ishtar! This is the real Easter. Christian holidays were set at certain times to not only replace pagan holidays but to vanquish and stand in place of them.

Ishtar (or Eostre, Astarte, Inanna) was the Sumerian goddess most closely related to Aphrodite. A goddess of fertility, sexuality as well as war (apparently). Although, Athena was also a goddess of war so it's not so bad.

She is said to be the protector of prostitutes and had a temple that was essentially a brothel where women would serve as prostitutes but would remain virgins as long as she lived there. Until of course they were married.

Today also happens to be Girl Scout Leader Day. Is there some correlation? That is very odd.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 21

2006-04-21T15:59:00.000Z

Let's all have a nap, a song and a snack, it's Kindergarten Day! Well, in Germany at least. Let them have their Kindergarten Day, they invented the word.

Yay! My own bed again.

The conference was interesting but I'd rather not have done all the travelling for it. The ferry was on an alternate schedule meaning that the slow ferry was in operation. We showed up for the 5:45 ferry an hour early (because we almost didn't catch it on the way over) only to discover that not only was the ferry not coming until 6:30 but it will also be twice the trip length. Grrrr....

Me ams tired and off to work.

I got an armload of comics while I was over so I do plan on reviewing some sometime.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 20

2006-04-20T15:51:00.000Z

Today is a sad day.

Aries the Ram has left the building. Time for Taurus the Bull to come on in for a while.

On the other hand, it is National Puppetry Day (USA). If you've got Adobe Acrobat (and a lot of spare time) download the National Puppetry Day Handbook here.

Puppets are funny things. I used to have a marionette that looked exactly like this. He hung from the corner of my bedroom curtain rod and terrified my for my entire childhood. Until there was a Punch and Judy show at my elementary school which got me into puppetry. I tried to use him but I was a little pissed off that I wasn't great at it right away so I gave up.

I've always wanted a ventriloquist's dummy. But, then again, it'd be a little lame without the ability to throw my voice.

Coming home from conference today. All in all, not a bad first conference.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 19 (MMMM!)

2006-04-19T18:24:00.000Z

One of today's holidays (America's Garlic Day) is a day I can really get behind. I loves me some garlic! Garlic bread, garlic cream sauce, herb and garlic cream cheese, mmmmm...I'm like the Bubba Gump of garlic. Put garlic in your cereal and it tastes better!

I really miss something my dad used to make. He used to put a bulb of garlic in the oven with some olive oil and roast it until the garlic is gooey and then take it out and spread it on some bread. Damn! That was some good stuff. You don't want to be in the same area code as someone eating it if you don't like the smell but these are these are the small sacrifices we all must make.

That was a poor ending but I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Ciao!!!

First day of my first conference today! Woot!

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 18

2006-04-18T18:13:00.000Z

2 holidays again today and a bit of a switcheroo. Japan has the interesting holiday (Depression Day) and USA the boring one (day one of The Week of the Young Child).

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy young children as much as anyone (well, most of them) but living with one kind of takes the mystique away from it all. Changing diapers and being vomited on on a daily basis is a litte harrowing (for updates on the little tyke, go here).

Depression Day, on the other hand is nothing to celebrate. It's not even Depression Awareness Day, this is a holiday on the Anime calendar. Depression being love-struck schoolgirls and young men who lose the control over their giant robot. I just thought it was funny that there is an Anime Calendar.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 17

2006-04-17T18:02:00.000Z

2 crazy American holidays on one fun-filled day!!!

1. National Cheeseball Day
Speaking of cheeseballs, I once ate the concentrated ball of fake cheese that you occasionally find in the bottom of a bag of Doritos. I was drunk, it was a dare, it was foul and it is something I'll probably never do again. Unless of course there's money involved.

There are pictures.

2. "Blah Blah Blah" Day
For those of you thinking I'm making these up. I'm not. I prefer "Yadda Yadda Yadda" Day (June 23rd) but this one's ok. That I made up.

A tidbit of fun information:

Did you know that Rae Dawn Chong is the daughter of Tommy Chong? And that she was cast to play Willis' girlfriend on Diff'rent Strokes but didn't look ethnic enough so Janet Jackson got the part instead?

Not ethnic enough? Her mother is African-American/Amerindian, and her father is Scottish-Irish/Chinese-Canadian?!!! I'm incensed.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 16

2006-04-16T05:35:00.000Z

Only one today but it's a doozy:

Rekindle Your Romantic Self Day (USA)
The Americans stopped wallowing in all that sucks and decided to get some lovin' (there's certainly a "sucks" joke here but I'm tired).

This has yet to catch on (as Valentine's Day has) but leave it to them women to mess things up and expect cards 'n stuff on Rekindle Your Romantic Self Day.

By the way, this is how Dav and I spent last Easter.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 15

2006-04-14T05:30:00.000Z

2 more strange dips into the abyss of holiday hell...

1. That Sucks Day (USA, like I had to say it)
A day to officially commemorate that which sucks. This day sucks. And what's worse? The North Koreans have the same day only the translation got mixed up:

2. Day of the Sun (North Korea)
It was originally called "Day of the Suck" but it got perverted by Americans who refuse to celebrate the same holiday as the nuke-proliferatin' Nor-Kors.

Did I just coin the term Nor-Kor?

On another note: where does the phrase "coin the term" come from?

Working on an idea for a zombie short story for submission to an anthology. I've got 2 ideas but only one is thought out fully.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 14

2006-04-13T00:21:00.000Z

Only one holiday today. There were two but one of them was suspect so I cut it out. Here is the survivor:

-Moment of Laughter Day (USA)
But only a moment. We're watching you!

These made-up American holidays are really starting to grate on me. Humorologist Izzy Gesell created this holiday because he thought there wasn't enough laughter in the world.

I don't think there's enough cod liver oil in the world. Today is now International Cod Liver Oil Day!

What about Frankie Avalon & Annette Funnicello Beach Movie Day? Pop Tarts Day? Ravin Lunatic Cat Lady Day?

I got it! Stupid Made-up Holiday Day! No we already have enough of those.

Ugh...not even halfway through this exercise and I'm already getting bitter.

This, by the way, is a halfway through the year exercise for the month of daily blogging that I will be doing in October (again). If you like, look through 2005's 31 Days of Des' Horror Favourites.

I'll be doing a similar horror-themed daily blogging exercise his October but a little different. Essays, reviews, memories, some original works of writing. It should be fun.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 13

2006-04-12T23:34:00.000Z

Now that the festivities of yesterday are over (we were celebrating Cosmonauts Day) it is time to talk a little bit about today's 2 holidays:

-Blame Somebody Else Day (USA)
Do whatever the hell you like today, pick a scapegoat and blame away, my friends!

-Vaisakhi Solar Year (Hindu)
Hindu New Year baby! WOOT!!!

They can't all be exciting. But, if Vaisakhi is a party let me know my Hindu friends! I can only assume that if I haven't heard of it then I can make fun of it (in the case of all of these American non-holidays) or call them boring. Thus is the intent of the internet.

Got my copy of Hank Williams III's new album "Straight To Hell" in the mail yesterday and have been listening to it non-stop. It is the shit!

It pisses all over pop country and lets us all know what outlaw country is again. Missing the Waylon Jennings's?, the Merle Haggards?, the Willie Nelsons?, the Johnny Cash's's's's's? Pick this shit up. 100% pure Psychobilly!

And of course, his dad is country legend Hank Williams Jr. who just so happens to be...wait for it...the son of country music uber-legend Hank Williams Sr.! Who'da thunk it?

Oh yeah...the best part about this album is that it contains the cover version of a song whose album cover I posted and pontificated over way back in March 2005!

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 12 "The Holiest of Days"

2006-04-12T00:56:00.000Z

A great slew of holidays to commemorate my birthday. Yes, it's my birthday. The big 2-6. Email me for directions for Paypal donations. Gift certificates are acceptable.

1) Cosmonauts Day (Russia)-This is the perfect holiday for me. Not only have I wanted to visit Russia for ages, I've also wanted to visit space for ages. What a combo! I'd like to hang out on the Mir with that guy from Armageddon who, by the way, is totally underrated. He needs to play Rasputin in the biopic that will rock my socks off. I have a thing for Rasputin.

2) Walk on Your Wild Side Day (USA)
Sing it with me now: Do do-do do do-do do-do

3) Feast of the Blajini (Romania)
This is on my list as today but actually takes place the Monday after Easter (Easter Monday?). Boring. Keep moving. Nothing to see here.

In case you missed the opening statement. It's my birthday. Send booze!

On top of all that I'm throwing in this edit to comment about the visual change you may have noticed.

That Lovecraftian-Zombified practicioner of Desomancy you see at the top of this page is an image created by the uber-talented Triefy. Besides being a talented visual artist he makes great music as a solo project called The Epitaph. This all makes me think that he's a little too talented to be allowed to live. However, with the possibility of a future musical collaboration we should all let him live and stand in awe of this multi-faceted Missouran fella (Missouran? That must be wrong).

Go check out the links and listen to his tunes.

Thanks very much, Triefy!!!!

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 11 (Fuck Yeah!!!)

2006-04-07T00:55:00.000Z

Eight Track Tape Day!!!!

Best holiday yet! Three Dog Night, Cheap Trick, America and Foghat should totally do a huge show on this day every year!

I'm not kidding.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 10

2006-04-07T00:50:00.000Z

Some cool ones:

1) Soul Sunday (Vodou [Haitian Voodoo])
Don't know what it involves but if it's about the Voodoo I'm there!!!!

2) Feast of the Rivers and Seas (Egyptian/Sumerian)
It's no surprise that the Egyptians would honour the Nile. They did it all the time. But the seas? They rarely got props. Big ups to all the seas out there. Even you Adriatic.

Caspian and Black are my homies!

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 9

2006-04-07T00:20:00.000Z

Day of the Amazon Goddess (Brazil)

If they don't release the Wonder Woman movie on this day next year I'll be very upset.

Cade's baptism is today and that is why things are sparse and will be for the next few posts.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 8

2006-04-07T00:16:00.000Z

Happy Birthday Megan!!!!!! My lovely wife is 24 today!

She will also be celebrating:

1) Moharram (India)
The first month of the Islamic calendar.

and

2) Hana Matsuri Flower Festival (Japan)
Which, I'm assuming is a Japanese festival involving flowers of some sort.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 7

2006-04-07T00:12:00.000Z

Today's a bit of a sentimental duo of holidays.

1) Motherhood and Beauty Day
Which is good because I get to see my beautiful wife who happens to be the mother of my child tonight. I've missed both of them this week and seeing them tonight will be lovely. Props to all the beautiful mothers out there. Yes, I said props.

2) No Housework Day
Rest assured, this place is clean and I won't be doing any housework today (that was yesterday).

That is all.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 6 (a contradiction in terms)

2006-04-06T01:03:00.000Z

April 6th! 2 More holidays. Both American and utterly hilarious when taken together:

1) Sorry Charlie Day

Sorry Charlie Day honours those who have been rejected and lived through it. Fair enough. Nice to see the downtrodden get their day in the sun. But when coupled with...

2) Plan Your Epitaph Day

You may have lived through it or maybe you want to commemorate Sorry Charlie Day with your own epitaph!

Whether it is on November 2nd (as one site suggests to be in line with the Mexican Day of the Dead) or today, it's still a pretty cool holiday.

I'll try out a few:

-I came, I saw, I squandered.

-Do not try and defuse a bomb while driving.

-The pin stays in the grenade?

and finally...

-I shouldn't have had that last Jagermeister.

Got some new things coming up and some big plans ahead.

A visual change for the blog happens, hopefully, this week and I may be throwing my musical hat into the ring in the near future. More as it happens...

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 5

2006-04-05T00:15:00.000Z

Ever hear someone shout "Happy Festival of the Sweeping of the Tombs, Everybody!" Nope? Didn't think so.

This is a strange Chinese Dio de los Muertos (spanish grammar perhaps not intact).

What's going on Taiwan? Government enforced non-legal Children's day (Under article 5 of course) vs. a cool celebration of life for our ancestors.

China's beating you out.

This morning at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date was...

01:02:03 04/05/06.

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 4

2006-04-04T00:27:00.000Z

Again, 2 holidays on one day.

Holiday #1: Er Tong Jie/Children's Day (Taiwan)
Here's what Wikipedia has to say about it:

Taiwan (Republic of China)
The Republic of China administering Taiwan designates Children's Day (兒童節) on April 4, pursuant to Article 5 of the Order to Implement Commemoration Days and Holidays (紀念日及節日實施辦法). Related institutions, groups and schools often hold celebrating actitivies. It is not a legal holiday.

From what I understand, it's like Christmas where kids get candy and toys just for being kids. The Order to Implement Commemoration Days and Holidays sounds a little too Orwellian for me.

Holiday #2: A Drop of Water is a Grain of Gold Day (Turkmenistan)
I'm not making these up, you know. Does this holiday sound confusing? That's because the Turkmenistani word for Christmas is "A gift below a tree makes a child happy while too much pumpkin pie gives a child diarrhea day."

Three...Extremes is an anthology film comprising 3 short films by Asia's best horror directors (assembled from all different countries which accounts for Takashi Miike beating out Hideo Nakata). Apparently it follows the same format as 2002's Three but these films are more...wait for it...Extreme!

The first film is Dumplings, directed by Hong Kong's Fruit Chan. It is the most extreme of the bunch and might have served better being anchored at the end of the movie. To put it into one word it is sick. Depraved, disgusting and gut-wrenching. I haven't seen a movie that disgusted me more thoroughly than this one. I won't divulge much of the plot so as not to upset my weaker-stomached audience but it involves an aging woman seeking youthful looks through another woman's dumplings. It's what's in the dumplings that's upsetting.

The second film would have seemed more depraved had it not been placed after the first but I digress. Cut, directed by Park-Chan Wook (of Oldboy fame), is masterfully directed in an intense modern style. The acting is a little poorer than the other two films but it makes up for it in innovative depravity. A film director returns home and is attacked and moved to a movie set that looks like his home (I know) to find his wife tied to the bench of a pian and her fingers glued to the keys. The perpetrator is an extra in all of the director's films who can't get over the fact that he is rich, famous, happy, married to a beautiful woman and, worst of all, a good man.

He forces him to choose between having his wife's fingers cut off one by one every five minutes or ending the whole affair by strangling a little girl who he brought along for the ride. Very intense and despite an ending I'm not sure I'll ever understand it's my favourite of the two.

The third film, Box by Japan's Takashi Miike, is pretty standard fare. Why they picked the Japanese master of extreme cinema to do a film that is more reminiscent of Japanese Ghost story master Hideo Nakata is beyond me. However, it is visually gorgeous. Cold, snowy imagery mixed with hellish fiery scenes make it an amazing film to watch in pitch darkness. But it lacks any of the bite the other two films, and indeed the rest of Miikes filmography, have. The man directed Audition for Christ's sake! #5 on my all-time favourites!!!

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 3

2006-04-03T05:07:00.000Z

There have very rarely been two holidays so different on one day since the made Washington Day and Lincoln Day into President's Day (come on! A slave owner with wooden teeth vs. the great Emancipator with a mole, top hat and a wicked chinstrap beard; peace out to my homey, Abe!) than today:

1) Megalisia (Roman)
When my Roman friends weren't too busy at the vomitorium they were busy celebrating this holiday for Cybele the Moon Goddess.

2) Don't Go To Work Unless it's Fun Day (USA:where else!)
Yay! Don't go! Unless of course you're a male porn star, beer taster or Pamela Anderson's bra. Then you have to go.

Yeah yeah...no comics yesterday. I was busy watching Three...Extremes. A thoroughly offensive movie that I'm sure I'll review sometime over the next six months.

On a side note: just once I want someone to react like this when I give them a gift (perhaps for Megalisia?)

Month of Mini Holidays: Day 2 (a.k.a. Holy shit Geerling! I'm on Pacific Standard time!)

2006-04-02T15:53:00.000Z

Since Mr. Geerling can't wait until I've had a cup of coffee, here's today's mini holiday breakdown:

-International Children's Book Day (USA)
A quick rundown of my fave kids books (as a daddy I have the ability to list my favourite kids books and still look cool): The Thief of Always (c'mon, it's Clive Barker doing children's fiction!!!), The Day I Swapped my Dad for Two Goldfish (by Neil Gaiman and DaveMcKean), Go to Bed Doodlehead (can a kids book be postmodern?) and finally Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see? (this book rocks because I sing it opera style when I read it...you heard me)

-Battle of the Flowers (France)
I couldn't find a Wikipedia listing but I think it's a WW2 battle. Leave it to the French to bring this day down.

-National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day (USA)
Happy Rick? I hope you celebrate with some Jif and Smuckers! Is Jif a PB brand?

I've never been a fan of PB and Jelly together. It's heretical. I've nevber liked either on sandwiches either.

Serve separate and sparingly on warm, lightly toasted bread or not at all if you ask me.

I might be back later today with comic stuff.

The Month of Miniature Holidays...Day 1

2006-04-01T17:53:00.000Z

Happy April Fools Day!!!

Not really sure what to say. The prank went out of me when I was 7 and a "cellophane over the toilet bowl" trick went horribly awry.

I loves me some April, though. My birthday, Meg's birthday...good times.

The Fantomas album, Suspended Animation tells us that each day in April is its own mini-holiday. I'll be back every day in April to let you know what they are along with other blogging nonsense.

Podcasts

2006-03-28T18:16:00.000Z

I listen to podcasts lately. Lots of them. So many in fact that it is quite rare that I actually listen to the 15 gigs of music on my iPod.

Here's a rundown of what I listen to:

-Shivers Radio (http://24.153.140.30/shiversradio.xml)
A collection of oldtime sci-fi/horror/thriller radio shows. Many of the shows include the original radio advertisements: "Help us make polio history, get vaccinated."

-Rotting Flesh Radio (http://www.rottingfleshradio.oct31st.org/rfr.xml)
Dedicated to the Horror/Haunt industry. There is a lot of stuff dedicated to those who put on haunted houses but there are some movies reviews and some great horror-themed songs/movie themes.

-Marvel Podcast (http://www.marvel.com/rss/podcasts.xml)
Marvel Comics own podcast dedicated to press releases/convention interviews. Check it out if only for the Nextwave theme song.

-The Horror Podcast (http://www.allaboutmedia.co.uk/horror/atom.xml)
Dave and Chad come back each week with reviews of terrible horror movies. They are hilarious. These guys need to do DVD commentaries. Check it out this week (episode 11) to hear them shout me out! Keep on podcasting blokes!

-Rue Morgue Radio (http://www.rue-morgue.com/podcasts/rss.xml)
Tomb Dragomir c/o Rue Morgue Magazine has his weekly radio show consisting of great music, interviews with directors and actors, movie reviews and more.

Anyone out there with some podcasts I don't listen to that I might find interesting as well?

I'm back and I'm employed!

2006-03-26T19:28:00.000Z

I know it's been about a million years since my last post but I thought I'd post a bit of nonsense before I come back swinging.

I was away in Toronto visiting my parents over Spring Break. Upon my return I was granted a full-time position split between the local alternate school and the locally developed homeschool program.

It's been a little crazy and quite daunting getting started in my first week but things will calm down soon. I'm sure...

I also picked up a whole slew of comics over the break so I'll be coming back to review those in the next few days.

Vesper has been posting a bit about the trials and tribulations of working in retail and I was reminded of working in the food and beverage service industry. Too often people treat those in the service industry, and retail, like slaves. We are ordinary people who have this job to: pay the rent, get through school, raise a kid, pay for an expensive habit, or, like many of the people I worked with, all of the above.

In particular, I was reminded of the old lady and the tea incident:

It was a busy Sunday. The busiest shift of the week at the restaurant I used to work at. An older couple at a table ordered drinks - he had a coffee and she ordered tea. I always prided myself on getting drinks to the table almost immediately.

I delivered the coffee, the paraphenelia (spoons, sugar, cream) and the tea to the table. The way we served tea was on a 10 inch plate with the boiling hot water in a steel tea pot with the cup laying on its side with a tea bag inside.

Upon delivering the tea the woman looked at me like I was born with a tail. "This is NOT how you serve tea!" she said with venom and derision.

I politely looked at her and said "Ma'am, this is how we serve tea."

I was desperately trying not to crack her face off of the table when she got her back up and said "Why don't you go take the tea into the back, put the bag in the cup and let it steep for a few seconds before bringing it to me?"

Having already spent way too much of my valuable time with this cretinous woman with delusions of grandeur I turned around and muttered the first thing that came to my mind as I walked away: "Burn."

She shouted "Pardon me?!"

I quickly swiveled on my feet, stared at her pompous face and said with the most rage I could muster "Burn!"

For a moment I'm pretty sure she thought she was going to burst into flames. I felt like Carrie or Drew Barrymore in Firestarter for a second and was a little frightened that I might actually set her on fire pyrokinetically.

She backed off and looked at her husband hoping he'd do something. But he, wisely, shrugged and took a sip of his coffee.